I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
