Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
