I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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