i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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