You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
