Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
