What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
