I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
