I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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