He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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