shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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