There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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