i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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