he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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