how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
