Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
