Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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