I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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