3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
