We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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