that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
