you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
