My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
