The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
