My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
