I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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