Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
