Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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