I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
