i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
