And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
