I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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