it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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