She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
