Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
