Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
