Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
