Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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