Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
