We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
