me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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