Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
