I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
