Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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