she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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