yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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