I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
