Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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