I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need water and some morals
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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