So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
be right there i have to get my cape
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
