someone threw a dead crab at me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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