You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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