I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
