coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
there is glitter all over my balls
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
