I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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