I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
