One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
