You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His nipple licking is glorious
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