I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
