help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize