I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
