This girl is more easily done than said...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
