I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
