So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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