The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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