Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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