I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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