Please, let me fuck your mom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already