I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.