I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!