My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
