He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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