You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
