I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
