Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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