I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
