my mouth tastes like poor choices
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
