Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
