Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
