I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
