the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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