i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need water and some morals
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
