i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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