i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
