the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
