UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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