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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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