You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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