next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
