mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
