He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Green mimosas i think yes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
