Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
