Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
