why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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